Russia’s Old Hookers and Hidden Camera Bit..

Who's knocking??

Who's knocking??

 Close your eyes and think back to late July of 1991. Jennifer Capriati just won Wimbledon. The U.S. military was returning from its stunning defeat of Saddam’s army. Unbeknownst to the world, we were a few weeks away from the ill fated coup attempt. GlobalWonk was a soldier in the United States Army, assigned to the White House Communications Agency. I’m sitting on the roof of the Churchill Hotel, waiting to find out if our team is going into Moscow. And…

Before we deployed from the then G-7 Economic Summit in London, to a hastily organized U.S./Soviet Summit in Moscow, we were required to attend a security brief on what to expect behind the Iron Curtain. We were told that because of our clearances, and access to sensitive information, we would be monitored 24/7 by the KGB. Just entering the U.S.S.R. back then guaranteed you would have an intelligence dossier with the KGB from that point forward. We would be staying in “Western approved” hotels that were prepped for surveillance. We were told that the KGB would prefer to get a full-body nude shot (from the bathroom/shower) to use for 100% identification in the event they turned you as a spy. This would help identify imposters, etc. We were instructed to report all contact with any Soviet citizen. The KGB would look for unusual behavior, and exploit it to blackmail you into cooperation/collaboration with them.

So, we land at the airport, off-load our C-5A Galaxy, and convoy to the Embassy. The old Embassy. The big old puke yellow one that caught fire in the eighties. (When KGB agents posing as firemen stole secrets..) From the yard of the old Embassy you could see the walls of the new one the Soviet contractors built for us. It was riddled with implanted bugs (the listening kind), and you could actually make out the letters C.C.C.P. in slightly darker colored bricks they handcrafted to thumb their nose at us. The U.S. later demolished this building and built the one we occupy today.

After a couple beverages at The Liberty Bell bar in the Embassy we headed off to the Olympic Penta Hotel. It is located next to the 1980 Winter Olympics complex (hence the name..). As you walked down the hallway we noticed that there was a small access door located between each set of room entry doors. These happen to be located adjacent to the bathrooms in each room. There was an odd area of the mirror in the bathroom that would not fog up when you ran the shower. Needless to say, they got their full body shot, and then some. But, they earned it. There is some awfully crude video somewhere…

So, knowing we were monitored 24/7, we would joke that we should just lay back on the bed and say something like “Boy, the national secrets I wouldn’t reveal for some huge breasts!”

KNOCK, KNOCK… ROOM SERVICE…

Ahh, the good old days. We turned Soviet ideologues, they gave Americans cash and sex. The system worked.

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